Okay, no one will want to read this, but please take 2 minutes from your lives to read it. It would mean a lot if you did.
I know this is a bad photo of me… But that’s me and my ex, Alex. I don’t know what to call him because we broke up about 3 weeks ago. We still treated each other the same and our feelings for each other hadn’t gone. I met him on August the 7th 2011, a few weeks after we met we were pretty much a couple.
It was hard because I’m only 14, and he’s 18 so I had to keep it from everyone. I saw him nearly every weekend and some days after school which was as much as I could, but not enough.
He wasn’t happy with his life. He left home at 16, so he moved in with his friends, finished school and then moved down to Wellington and went to university for a year. When he finished his year at uni he moved back up to Auckland to be closer to me, his dad and grandparents.
He wasn’t happy at all. He told me that if he hadn’t met me then he would have ended his life months earlier. He started drinking a lot every weekend and when he drunk, he started treating me badly, he told me how he really felt. One night, he drunk 1 litre of vodka as well as other alcohol… He nearly died, he told me he thought he was going to die and it was the happiest moment of his life. He said things like that to me which made me feel awful.
On Tuesday the 3rd of April, 2012 I went to Australia to spend a few weeks with my dad who lives over here. When I landed I had a text from him saying the reason he was so distant the previous day was because he tried overdosing on Sunday night, but he failed. I then replied telling him I loved him, and that if he was gone when I got back home, I would be wondering if I wanted to live or not… I then had a text from him saying “Hi’m sorry Kate. Thank you.” and I started freaking out.. I then got a few more texts from him that I think he sent when he was doing something… I asked him what he had done and he said nothing, he said he hadn’t taken anything and he wasn’t planning on it. But I got some more messages from him…. Then he was gone. It wasn’t until Thuesday the 5th when he was found. He took his own life because he thought no one cared.
He lost the battle with depression, he should have stayed, it would have gotten better. He promised me he would never leave me but, he’s gone now, and I feel as if I have no one. He has had hundreds of posts onto his wall on Facebook, so everyone cared. His family is in shock, they aren’t coping at all. He thought no one cared, when everyone did.
I doubt anyone will read this as it is long and shit… But please, everyone, if you’re ever thinking about ending your life or harming yourself, please message me… Whether you;ve been called fat, ugly, a slut, a bitch or anything else horrible like that, it will get better. You’re all beautiful and no one deserves to go through the pain that I am going through now as I have lost someone I love.
This photo was taken the last time I saw Alex, the 31st of March 2012. It was the last photo that was ever taken of him. I hope you’re happy Alex, where ever you are. I love you, and I always will. I miss you so much already and it has only been a few days… I still check my phone for messages from you saying “Yeah sorry I haven’t spoken to you in a while babe. My internets been down” but, I’ve had nothing and I know you’re gone forever. Alex, you probably wouldn’t have wanted me to say any of that, but no one deserves to feel the way I feel at the moment. Please everyone, lets lower the suicide rates. It will get better. Rest In Peace Alex <3 18.05.93 - 03.04.12